Interview With The Warriors
by Terra Writes Stuff
Summary: I interview the the cast of Hyrule Warriors and ask them really stupid questions! :D If you'd like, please post a question in your review.
1. Link

**I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.**

…

SK: Sup nerds, and welcome to the…... whatever this show is called. I'm your host, Stitch Kitty, and I hope you enjoy the first installment of this probably shitty fanfiction. Today we have some special guests here, and we're going to sit down with them and ask some pretty **juicy **questions. Give it up for the Hero of Hyrule/Hero of Time/Hero of Twilight/Fairy Boy/Most Lusted After Man in Hyrule, LINK!

Link: Hyaa.

SK: So, Link, how does it feel to be in the clutches of a Late Night Talk show?

Link: HYAA!

SK: Oh… so it's this kind of fanfiction.

Link: *nods* Hya!

SK: First question!

**Which girl in your harem is your favorite?**

Link: *blinks* Hya?

SK: You know, girl you like. Zelda, Saria, Medli, Ruto. That kind of crap.

Link: *taps chin*

SK: If you have an answer, I'd prefer you'd write it on this notepad.

Link: *nods and jots down an answer*

SK: So, who is it?

Link: *holds up poorly done drawing of him covered in every female Zelda character ever made*

SK: Oh. Nice.

Link: Hya!

SK: Anyways, stay tuned to when we move on to our next victim. If YOU have any questions you'd like to ask the crew, please feel free to post them as a review.

Navi: HEY! You're just trying to scam people to get more –

SK: *smacks Navi with a flyswatter* Next chapter we'll be interviewing Zelda. Ask some fucking questions. *dramatic stare*


	2. Zelda

SK: Oh my god. I didn't think I would get some many reviews and questions in so little time. I guess my scam worked! Mwahahaha!

Dark Link: Stitch, our next victim is here. Also, keep it down with the evil laughter. You're live on !

SK: Shit! Okay, welcome back to the fanfic! I'm so happy to get more questions for our guests. Today we have the Princess and leader of the Hyrule Army, please give a hand to PRINCESS ZELDA!

Zelda: *smiles* Thank you for the introduction. I feel welcome already.

SK: So, I actually have more than one question for you. And they're all from the viewers.

Zelda: It's wonderful to see I have fans.

SK: Yeah, this is my fanfic. They're my fans now.

Zelda: Oh. Well, let's begin.

**Agarfinkel**

**Zelda- Which of the following women do you see as your biggest rival for Link's heart and why: Ruto, Saria, Malon, Midna, Hilda (from a Link between Worlds), Medli, or Illia? (you can only choose one)**

Zelda: Rival? What on Earth are you talking about?

SK: They're talking about which bitch you're afraid of.

Zelda: Well, what do you make of them?

SK: Who Me?

Zelda: Yes you.

SK: If it couldn't then who?

Zelda: Huh?

SK: Sorry, always wanted to do that. I like Saria, Malon, Illia, and Medli, but I think I like Midna best. She's by far MY favorite sidekick.

Zelda: And she happens to be in this game…

SK: So, out of those, what would you say?

Zelda: I suppose Midna then. Is that good enough?

SK: Wow, you're taking this surprisingly well.

Zelda: *giggles* I am a princess after all.

SK: …. Hmmm, next question I guess.

**Ayako Zetra**

**How da HELLZ do you keep your hair perfect throughout the game?! DA HELLZ UP WIT DAT?!**

Zelda: …

SK: Tell us your secrets chosen one.

Zelda: Okay fine. I'll make this quick.

SK: Spill it.

Zelda: L'Oreal. Because I'm worth it

SK: Whoa. That's poetic. And you stole that from Little Kuriboh!

Zelda: It was only a matter of time.

SK: And you stole that from Tales of The Abridged!

Zelda: …..

SK: Are you high?

Zelda: Umm, no?

**Thank you for asking questions so much! Next time we interview Lana. Keep them questions coming**


	3. Lana

**Thank you again for so many questions! :D Within less than a week this has become my most popular story! I'm afraid I won't be able to answer all these questions for Lana in one go, but I promise I'll come back to them later. ****J**

…

SK: *taps angrily on this desk* …

Dark Link: Stitchy? Are you okay?

SK: *continues tapping* …

Dark Link: Stitchy, we're going to be on in a few minutes. Is there anything you need to get out before we start?

SK: *still tapping* …

Dark Link: Come on. Spill it. What's wrong?

SK: I dunno, Dark. Maybe it's the fact that our next guest is the most irritating thing to exist next watching you bag of Doritos get stuck in the vending machine while they play Nyan cat for 6 hours?

Dark Link: Oh… well, we're on air now.

SK: Shit.

Dark Link: Make sure to behave, Stitchy.

SK: I make no promises. Now the white sorceress, Lana.

Lana: Hee hee. Hello everyone. It's wonderful to be in your fanfic.

SK: Uh huh.

Lana: I'm so happy that the viewers have so many questions for me to answer.

SK: Uh huh.

Lana: I'd like to thank everyone for getting the chance to respond.

SK: Uh huh.

Lana: It's so nice to have such a loyal fan base and –

SK: Okay, is it so hard for you to shut the fridge up?

Lana: … Huh?

SK: I didn't invite you to this fanfic so you could pay thanks to your fans and whatnot. I'm not in the mood to listen to you giving out pointless thanks that were already acknowledged before you got here.

Lana: But… it's the nice thing to do at least? I just wanted to help.

SK: Yeah, and I wanted be friends with a gay elephant named Jonathan, but we don't always get what we want. Now can it and answer these damn questions.

Lana: No need to be mean.

SK: SILENCE!

**Guest **

**Dear Lana,**

**I actually have a couple of questions, if that is alright.**

**1. How does it feel to have the second-best versatility with weapon elements in the game (behind Link, soon to be tied with Zelda if we count DLC)? Which weapon style is your favorite?**

**2. Could you please smile cutely for the cameras?**

**3. What is your opinion of Zelda? Please be honest about this one.**

**Thank you for your time. I apologize for if it was too many to answer.**

Lana: *giggle* No, not at all. It's okay.

SK: *death glare*

Lana: Oh, um, right! Well then, I don't really what to say. I guess it's pretty awesome.

SK: Yep. A badass tome. A badass spear. A freaking SUMMONING GATE!

Lana: *flinches* Um, yes.

SK: Why is it that you of all people get the best weapons, may I ask? Well? Because I wouldn't mind so much if you couldn't shut up for five seconds. Hearing you say take that in Japanese get repetitive if you ask me.

Lana: Can we move on?

SK: Whatever. Smile cutely for the fucking camera already.

Lana: *giggles and smiles* Is this good?

SK: Fucking perfect. What's your opinion of Zelda?

Lana: … Weeeeeeeell, I suppose she's good for Link. She seems to have his back and care about him. Though I would be lying if I didn't say I was a little… jealous.

SK: Of course. Because like every female Zelda character, you're just another chick to add to the Harem.

Lana: *frowns* You're awfully negative.

**MidnaPanda **

**Lana What was your name back when you and Cia were one person? :3**

Lana: Oh, that's easy! We were called-

SK: Big boobied Link fangirl.

Lana: HEY! Excuse me? You may not like me or Cia, but can't you just be a little nice when we're rolling?

SK: Listen, Lana. Not everybody likes high pitched weeboo Sorceresses with awesome powers. I am one of those people. So is it so difficult for you to shut the fuck up? Because every time I play as you and attempt to enjoy your gameplay, all I hear are Japanese phrases coming out the ass. And let me tell you, it may be cute at first, but it gets very, very annoying after the 20th fucking time!

Lana: You're just mad because people ship with Link.

SK: That's right, BITCH! I'm furious a Sailor Moon reject like you is shipped with the badass hero of whatever now. Considering nether you or Cia deserve him!

Lana: And yet you ship him with Illia, of all people?

SK: *pulls out chainsaw* That's it, you little fruitcake! I'm about the redecorate the walls with your intestines!

Lana: *pulls out tome* Bring it on, emo!

Dark Link: Crap! Um, let's go to commercial break! We'll be back soon with Impa! Enjoy your pointless advertisements!

(TV Static transition to: Toys "R" Us commercial)

_Jenny Lewis: (singing) I don't want to grow up, I'm a Toys "R" Us kid._

…

**Sorry if this chapter was just me offending Lana. Her personality really irks me and I think I ended up doing too much venting. :I Sorry if anyone besides Lana was offended. Next up is Impa, so keep them questions rolling.**


	4. Impa

SK: *reviewing emails while humming the theme to Greatest American Hero*

Dark Link: Hey Stitch?

SK: Yeah? *closes other window for episode one of Bible Black*

Dark Link: Where you just watching…?

SK: What the smeg do you want?

Dark Link: Never mind. Anyways, I think we're due for another chapter.

SK: What makes you say that?

Dark Link: Do you not see the thousands of review alerts on Gmail?

SK: Whadda you me- *looks at computer screen* Oh shit.

…

SK: Good evening, my little rat fetuses, and welcome back to another chapter. I had to write one because I had waaaaay to many questions, so forgive me if yours isn't in this chapter. Now let us give a warm whatever to the Captain of the Hyrule army, Impa!

Impa: *nods* Thank you. I was confused when princess Zelda said she was off to go be interviewed by some fanfic writer, so I tagged along.

SK: Yes, that was a good catch. That way I wouldn't have to kidnap you.

Impa: Excuse me?

SK: Oh, nothing! Let's get started!

**Guest **

**Impa**

**What did you think of Ghirahim?**

Impa: Who?

SK: Well, you see he's-

Ghirahim: *appears out of nowhere* I am Ghirahim! Though I prefer to be addressed by my full title, Lord Ghirahim, but I'm not fussy.

SK: …... that guy.

Impa: …

Ghirahim: I must say, it's a pleasure to star in such a famous production, even if it is a little low budget and in bad taste. Now, Miss Kitty, what would you-

SK: Yeah, you don't come in for another couple of chapters, so can you please piss off.

Ghirahim: But I-

SK: Oh, go back to fantasizing about the things you plan on doing to Link's anus.

Ghirahim: I-

SK: BEGONE!

Ghirahim: Bitch. *teleports*

Impa: I have no words.

SK: …. Moving along….

**KysMaya **

**I really like this show wanted to ask a little something myself;)**

**Impa**

**Did you ever consider a relationship with Zelda? I mean you two ARE pretty close :P**

Impa: I'm sorry, but no. The princess and I have no romantic feelings for each other. I am her body guard, nothing more, nothing less.

SK: Wow, that's actually a well thought answer. Let's see what we have next.

**Ayako Zetra **

**IMPA! Nah, Lana is a tad bit annoying...**

**Also, another question for Impa! Who do you like the most...and I mean 'LIKE LIKE', like, *Cough* LUV! *Cough*.**

Impa: I am a body guard and Captain of Hyrule's forces. I have no interest in pursuing a romantic route.

SK: Someone's lonely.

Impa: *death glare*

SK: Sorry, sorry! Um, how about this one?

**Ubersupersloth **

**Hmm... ok, a question for Impa: Are you aware that there is a fairly significant following shipping you and Zelda?**

Impa: *blinks* There is?

SK: Yep, it's kind of a thing now. I don't really ship in though. You and your giant sword maybe, but not with Zelda.

Impa: *blushes in annoyance* What about my giant sword?

SK: One more!

**rassenom **

**Impa what do you think of the use of a million and a half internet memes in this fanfic?**

SK: Hey! What the-

Impa: Well obviously I find it ridiculous. After all, references are lazy way of writing comedy.

SK: Common! It's hilarious! And that's an internet reference too! I have a legit sense of humor, so what?

Impa: Then I suggest you put down the LittleKuriboh episodes for a while and think of some original jokes.

SK: Okay, fuck it! Dark, cut!

Dark Link: But there's more questions that we-

SK: I made a chapter. I think we're good.

Dark Link: This one was even lazier than chapter one.

Impa: He has a point.

SK: A point that I don't give two shits about. Next we'll have Sheik get over here. Good bye for now.

Dark Link: Lazy.

**Few. Long time since I updated. I never expected this to become so popular. Thanks again and sorry if I was a little harsh. I do love my memes. :3**


	5. Sheik

Dark Link: Hello, I'm Stitch Kitty.

SK: And I'm Dark Link.

DL: ….

SK: ….

DL: BWAHAHAHAHAHA

SK: BWAHAHAHAHAHA

DL: You know, I didn't think I'd keep a straight face during that, but I'll be damned!

SK: Yeah, and that's ignoring the fact that everyone's been waiting 3 months for me to shit out another chapter!

DL: We're such wonderful human beings.

SK: That, we are, my friend.

_~ We still don't have a theme song because all the ones we made suuuuuuuck ~_

SK: Welcome, to the basement of my house. Before we start, I think it's only fair I explain why I've been on hiatus for so long. *Ahem*So at the time I wrote the first 4 chapters, I didn't actually own the game. I only ever played the demo at Target and watched LPs of it. But, for Christmas I received a WiiU and copy of it, and I've so fair beaten the game all on hard mode, finished two thirds of adventure mode, completed one and half of the Illustrations, unlocked all the characters, and am planning on purchasing all of the DLC once my history midterms are over. So, yeah, I've just been procrastinating. But what can I say? It's addictive as fuck, and I've now developed a strange crush on Zelda….. anyways, sorry for the wait. I really appreciate the popularity this has gained, and I encourage you to please read and review my other stories. I do more than just parodies, you know. Now, the moment you've been waiting for, chapter 4 of Interview With Warriors. Sheik!

*cue crickets chirping*

SK: *awkward smile* *ahem* Sheik!

*more crickets chirping*

SK: Sheik?

*tumble weed drifts by*

SK: *deep breath* SO HELP ME SHEIK IF THAT TIGHT ASS OF YOURS ISN'T HERE WHEN I FINISH THIS SENTENCE I WILL STAB DARK IN THE FACE!

DL: What?!

Sheik: *appears in a puff of smoke* You called?

SK: Where the hell were you?

Sheik: Oh, my bag of Doritos got stuck in the vending machine. I was busy trying to smash it when I heard you threaten to stab your camera man in the face if I didn't come.

SK: Oh my god, I'm so sorry for you. I mean, those were Doritos, after all. So, would you answer some questions for us?

Sheik: Certainly.*sweat slowly drips down face* But, will any of these be discussing my…. Gender?

SK: Don't be silly. That's probably 80% of these questions. Like this one.

**HeroAlexa249 **

**Sheik.**

**Are you a boy or a girl? Literally, you keep gender swapping in games.**

Sheik: Errr… do I have to answer that?

SK: Uh, duh! Everyone wants to know! Not even the fan theories and their evidence are satisfying enough for us nosey fans.

Sheik: I…. don't really feel this would be an appropriate topic for this Fanfiction to discuss.

SK: Are you using that "transgender is controversial" bullshit, cuz believe me, nothing's wrong with being trans.

Sheik: I'm NOT TRANS!

SK: Now, now, we can discuss this later. Would you like to answer something else in the meantime?

Sheik: You're being…. unusually polite in this chapter. I get the feeling you're planning something….

SK: *smiles*

**Godzilla2915 **

**Sheik, when I played as you on the first stage in free mode, Zelda was still there on the battlefield. Care to explain this sorcery?**

Sheik: Simple. It's called crappy development.

SK: Got a point, after all, playing on the first Ganondorf stage I played as Zant, and there was another Zant! Why couldn't it just be like the demo and have the option rendezvous with Impa?

Sheik: Exactly.

SK: Then again, it would give away the obvious fact that you're-

Sheik: *death glare*

SK: Fine. *mumbles* Frigstick.

**NitroTheKidd88 **

**Sheik: Where did the disguise come from, anyway? They never really explained it in the games.**

SK: Read the Ocarina of Time manga, bitches!

Sheik: Can I leave now? I still really want those Doritos.

SK: Sure. Go get your chips.

Sheik: Thanks*disappears in a puff of smoke*

SK: If only that fuckwit knew those Doritos were laced with live fire ants.

DL: And there's the wonderful pay off to your evil plan. So, about stabbing me in the face-

SK: *smiles* Shut up, Dark Link.

**I'd like to apologize to BandicootSauce for not including your questions, because I unfortunately deleted it from my PM inbox by mistake. :C They were so good, too. Next chapter is Midna!**


	6. Midna

**I'm getting much more into the spirit of updating this now that I've mastered playing as Cia and Volga. Wizzro… not so much. :C Anyways, keep those reviews coming, friends.**

_…_

*cue stupidity and nonsense*

_Come on in, and get in the damn chair_

_Shit's going down, so grow a pear!_

_Stitchy's so excited,_

_'cause all her victims are invited_

_To go insane, at Stitchy's Dungeon!_

Dark Link: Was a Pee-Wee's Playhouse parody really necessary?

SK: Nope. *smirks*

DL: *rolls eyes*

SK: Anyways, ignoring Dark's complete inability to appreciate my incredibly clever and original jokes, today we have one of my favorite characters stopping by. She's renowned for not only being a badass and a not annoying fairy sidekick, but for also being one of the most beloved Zelda characters. Please welcome-

Midna: *teleports* Sup, fuckers!

SK: Wow, you got here early. If only a certain Ninja with a fire ant bitten tongue could follow after your lead…

Midna: *relaxes arms behind head* Yeah. I have to say though; Sheik's screams of agony were pretty sweet.

SK: Finally! Someone who appreciates my work! Hey Dark!

DL: What?

SK: Take notes, frigstick!

DL: I hate you.

SK: I hate you more!

Midna: Now, now, girls. You're both pretty. So, am I answering stuff or not?

SK: Oh, sorry. Here we go.

**xenotalia4ever **

**Midna, can you teach me how to create portals from thin air? Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase?**

Midna: Well, xenotalia4ever, since you asked nicely….. nope. *smirks*

SK: Hey, what do you expect? It's Midna!

Midna: Damn straight. So, what do we have next?

DL: Um, guys, you're being a little inconsiderate about-

SK: *at the same time* SHUT UP DARK!

Midna: *at the same time* SHUT UP DARK!

**NitroTheKidd88 **

**Ok, I got some questions!**

**Midna: What was your reaction to Link's mailman DLC outfit?**

Midna: Let's just say there was a lot of laughing and photographs involved.

SK: Wow. You are evil. I should take lessons from you.

Midna: *Shrugs* It just comes naturally.

**HeroAlexa249 **

**OH COME ON SHEIK! I REALLY WANTED TO KNOW! ARGH!**

**Anyways, Midna, do you have feelings for Zant instead of trying to BRUTALLY murder him?**

Midna: *glares* What is your obsession with shipping me and Zant? Do you think I would fall for someone who literally kicked me off my throne and turned me into a hideous imp?!

SK: *pouts* But you're so cute as an imp!

Midna: Hey, do you know a person by the name of Michael Jackson?

SK: Yeah, he wrote Thriller and died of a heart attack.

Midna: Yes, and are you aware of the song "Bumble Bee", by Aqua?

SK: Yeah, what do those two have…?

Midna: *grins madly*

SK: Oh my god. You killed Michael Jackson?! With AQUA?!

Midna: That's what he gets for making me pay the bill at Olive Garden. Anyways, make just felt like pointing that out for next time you insult me.

SK: It wasn't an insult.

Midna: SILENCE!

**Guest **

**Hey Midna, will you go out with me?**

Midna: How about no? Everybody knows if you go out with someone you met online you'll end up thrown in a ditch chopped in a million tiny pieces.

SK: Yeah, is full shit.

**ftwwtf **

**How is it like to be 2 feet tall?**

Midna: …

SK: ….

Midna: Ah, I see. Someone feels the need to bring up my shortness again? *glows with Twilight energy*

SK: Um, I'm gonna go see how Sheik's tongue is doing. *bolts*

Midna: So, I'm a shorty, huh? Well, can a shorty do this?! *used hair-hand to throw desk at the camera*

DL: OH FU-

*camera goes to static*

….


	7. Important Update

**Sup, guys. Stitchy here. I apologize for the abrupt ending on the Midna chapter(if you can even call it that), but I feel I need to personally speak out to my followers of this story.**

**So, I originally was going to go in order of the characters you recruit. You know, like next would be Agitha, Zant, Fi, Ghirahim, the list goes on. But I've noticed that many of you want to ask different characters questions than the ones I planned. So, I've found a solution.**

**I'll be posting a poll on my bio for which warrior you want next. I'll count up the votes after a while, and whoever has the highest number gets to next. **

**I'm going to be putting up the poll shortly after I post this update, so stay tuned. C:**


	8. About This Story

Hey guys, it's Terra. (New username shit) So I know I haven't been updating since March, and I think you deserve an explanation.

I've been busy with school and working on original fiction, so I haven't really had time to work on this. Another issue I have is I feel like I'm losing interest in this. It's nice to have some recognition for once, but I feel it's for all the wrong reasons. I mean, when I get down to it, there's almost nothing original or significant about this story that set it apart from other reader interactive comedies. What I'm saying is I'm much better than this and I feel that even though it was fun in the beginning, I'm just rehashing memes and jokes that were old news anyway. As writer for both Original and Fan literature, I don't think this is something I'd like to be famous for. I love this game and I love the fans it gave me, but in the end I know I'm meant for greater things than memes.

So you're all wondering; will I update this story ever again?

Well, the answer is that I don't know. I've been suffering from atrocious writer's block and lack of inspiration. I've beaten pretty much all of Hyrule Warriors, including the DLC, so I guess that might have something to do with. Maybe one day I will come back to Interview With The Warriors. Is the story dead? I wouldn't say necessarily.(At least I'd like to think so)

Thank you all for your time.

~Terra


End file.
